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Personal Growth: Purpose

The Fear Quotient

By Mary Lee LaBay, Ph.D.

Often that which we fear never actually takes place. We spend a lifetime fearing or worrying about some eventuality that never arrives. And we frequently worry in wild disproportion to what might actually occur. The bottom line is that none of the fear – and the resulting anxiety, stress, distraction of it all – really does any good. It reduces our ability to be intuitive or even present in our lives, and it leads to serious deterioration of our health and, particularly, our immune system.

Fear is different from fright which is a here-and-now reaction to an immediate threat that requires immediate action. Fright elicits the flight or fight response and is a natural survival mechanism. Fear, on the other hand, is a nebulous, undefined, projection of possible danger in the future that may or may not come to pass. It keeps us in the flight or fight response mode but there is nothing to fight. Therefore, the brain and body no longer distinguish the real from the anticipated.

While irrational, for many of us worry and fear are major components of our days – and sleepless nights. To gauge your "fear quotient," check the statements below that ring true to you:

• Better to leave things as they are. This situation is not great, but something different could easily be worse.
• If I don't take care of this project myself, it just won't go well. No one cares as much as I do about it.
• People can't really know what's right for themselves. I am safer following the rules of authority (parents, church, peer groups, etc)
• Stability is built from "tried and true" and "staying on the straight and narrow."
• Society would be chaotic if we didn't act from a sense of duty and obligation.

These statements reflect the main categories of fear or worry. But a healthy, fearless perspective views these categories differently:

Change: Change is natural and beneficial. It is required for growth and improvement. If everything remained static, there would be no possibility for a raise, a better job, that new relationship, weight loss, and other goals.

Trust: Everyone demonstrates their true values and virtues. It is up to each of us to recognize and act on that information. Having the courage and conviction to remain true to ourselves allows us to experience the greatest possible level of trust.

Control: Control issues arise when we do not trust that we can handle events and experiences that show up in our lives. Attempting to control nature, reality, or others is impossible, based in feelings of incompetence and low self-image.

Guilt: Guilt has one purpose. It alerts us to the possibility that we have done something counter to reality or to our personal philosophy. When true, a correction must be made as rapidly as possible. Then release the guilt. If the guilty feeling is unfounded, there is no purpose in maintaining guilt.

Duty or Obligation: When a person's actions are based on duty, it implies that their value system would dictate a different course of action. Free choice is the only proper relationship to one's life and values, resulting in health, happiness, and sustainability.

Releasing our fears is not an easy process. But the first step is an awareness that fear is a perspective, not a truth. From that awareness, we are able to choose to retain that perspective, or work to replace it for the satisfying life we all deserve.

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