Do you or someone you know have issues with trusting people? At one time or another in our lives we have probably said something like, “You just can’t trust….(fill in the blank). But did you know that it isn’t typically “them” that we can’t trust? It is ourselves!
Our bodies, and the world around us, will give us all the signals we need to negotiate through life. Physical pain, dysfunctional relationships, career problems, addictions, and so forth, are all symptoms that tells us that something isn’t working.
Our nerves tell us that the flame is hot. Our minds interpret that signal and tells the body to remove our hand from the flame. Simple enough. But when it comes to other parts of our life, we make mistakes in the interpretation or fail to act.
Most people fail to even register the signal to begin with. Intuition is ignored in favor of those things we are addicted to – relationships, treasures, ego protection, and so forth.
Every client who comes to the office with trust issues admits, once we have done our work together, that they had all the information that they needed within the first hour, date, or couple of dates, to determine that the failed relationship would end badly. They chose to ignore that intuitive knowing because they were lonely, thought they would be the exception, or some other excuse.
We have all done it…plenty of times. And then, we blame the other person, life, god, or whoever else…as long as it wasn’t our fault!
So what can we do about that?
First, we need to know ourself as well as possible. We need to recognize our weaknesses, our shadow side. We need to admit to ourselves what is really motivating us at any given moment, and especially when it comes to other people and relationships.
Weaknesses that may hinder our intuition will include loneliness, financial troubles, insecurity, or low self-worth. The need to compensate for these weaknesses will push us toward overlooking the signals being received from the other person who may not have your best interests at heart. Remember they, too, are operating from the desire to fulfill their own needs and weaknesses.
Try this experiment. Think back to a relationship that went sour. Starting from the first moment that you met that person, if you had allowed yourself to “read” the signals, at what point in the relationship had they given you all the information you needed to know that the relationship would end badly for you?
Signals may include the way they speak about previous relationships, the way they treat service personnel in a restaurant, the way they speak to you or treat you, or perhaps they have a distinctly different philosophy about life than yours.
Next time you receive the signals that something may not be all that you hoped it would, take a breath, step back, and take your time with the relationship. Listen to your intuition, and pay close attention to what you are learning about the other person.
And the most important part: Act accordingly. If you are receiving negative signals, you must overcome your needs and weaknesses, and do what is truly right for you. Because in the end it is not about trusting them. You can trust them to be exactly who they are.
It is about trusting YOU!